Give it a try.

For several years straight, I was heavily involved in theater. In just 3 1/2 years, I managed to take part in 3 plays and 7 musicals. Though I didn't really know it at the time, acting became my crutch. I hadn't truly discovered God yet. I worshiped performing.

During the time that I was actually in theater, I took for granted much of what my directors, choreographers, and voice coaches taught me. I was naive and a little cocky. Though they imparted upon me a lot of knowledge, I didn't really take any of it to heart. I shoved it to the back of my mind and went on with the show. Since I had always been a performer to some extent, I thought that I didn't really need any of this formal training. And actually, my directors took both formal and informal approaches to their teaching, all of which I took for granted.

It's been about a year since I was in a full-on show, though I've done a few skits and talent shows since then. By the time I finished the most recent show, I was simply burnt out. The high that I got from performing was no longer there. I needed something else, something more. Don't get me wrong, I still loved performing -- but it simply wasn't enough. I needed God.

Recently, though, I've started trying some new things, such as volunteering at church and playing violin. (Among other things.) And finally -- after all those years -- I understood something that my director had taught me.

Several years ago, I was at "my" theater's audition for a musical that had some filler parts for cheerleaders. I already had a supporting role that I was happy with, so I just sat back and watched those auditions. And I'm glad I did; I learned something extremely valuable.

In order to get one of those parts, you had to be able to do a cartwheel. (Among a few other things.) Always the opportunist, my director turned that into a lesson. (I'm going to paraphrase him here.) "When it comes to auditions like this," he said, "never say 'but I can't do that.' Always say, 'I can do my best and give it a try.' Even if you don't get that specific part, the people casting will notice that you're willing to stretch yourself and test your limits. Don't let an opportunity get away from you simply because you didn't try."

Wow. I didn't realize it back then, but now I've come to appreciate this extremely valuable lesson. There have been many times just recently that I have opted out of saying "I can't" and into saying "I can try." I can't even begin to describe how much this has helped me, not only in "regular" things, but also in God things.

If He asks me to do something, He knows that, through Him, I am capable. Instead of complaining to Him that "I can't" do something, I should respond with a willing attitude and a cheerful heart. This reminds me of something Mother Teresa once said:

I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.

But whatever God gives us, it is for a purpose. Perhaps it will be like Abraham sacrificing Isaac -- even though God doesn't actually want us to do that, He wants us to trust Him enough to give it a shot and to just heed His call. And don't forget --

... Whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men.

~ Colossians 3:23 (NKJV)

Fail to prepare...

...prepare to fail.

Have you heard that old adage? The first time I remember hearing it was at a conference a few years ago. "Huh," I had thought, "that's interesting." It somehow managed to get stowed away inside my mind, only to resurface about a week ago.

If you've been reading my blog for awhile, you'll know that I have a heart for missions (particularly foreign). While I'm obviously not in a position to pack my bags and move to some obscure corner of the world just yet, God is training me in my everyday life. Our relationship went from being ritualistic - and religious - to being loving and reminiscent of the way parent-child relationships should be. As I make mistakes, I hear "the little voice" inside my head giving me mini-lectures. It's kind of like having spell-check on your life. (More simply put, extremely helpful yet occasionally aggravating.)

Just recently, I realized that yes - God is training me right in my very own city - but eventually, I won't be in high school anymore. I won't be living with my parents in Anytown, USA for the rest of my life. One day, I'm going to go out into the world, start my own family, build my own legacy, etc. All that jazz. (That Hollywood jazz... Forgive me, but I love 80s music.) But before I go to my "ultimate" place - the country that I feel God calling me to - I should probably (no; definitely) have some practical experiences.

Within the past year, I've stumbled upon a good amount of mission trip opportunities, both within my own state and country and on other continents. (The latter category appeals to me far more.) My parents, the frugal people that they are, wouldn't go for a $2,000 expense. Back then, I didn't have a source of income (other than my allowance... haha) and I wasn't as in love with Jesus as I am now. The Holy Spirit hadn't yet become my go-to guy. So I let these opportunities go.

Then, just the other day, I remembered that if I

Fail to prepare, prepare to fail.

and it hit me like a ton of bricks. (Gotta love the English language; it has such peculiar idioms.) If I want to go on a missions trip within the next few years, I need to start saving now. So I grabbed a standard envelope and a Sharpie. On the envelope I wrote "Missions money" and made myself the following deal: whatever money goes into the fund does not come out until I am paying my expenses for a foreign mission trip. No exceptions.

I'm a movie buff. Just today I bought the Blu-ray/DVD/digital copy of the new X-Men movie. Did I really need that? No. I just wanted it. But people out there NEED the gospel, and it is not my duty to sit back and watch as others take action; instead, it is my responsibility to get off my butt and do something about the evil in this world. I could have added another thirty bucks to my missions fund. But I didn't. I wasted it on a material thing.

Not that there's anything wrong with indulging every now and then. But I could have saved that money for something else. And next time, I think I will. (Of course, ever since I first saw First Class in theaters, I told myself that I would buy the combo pack, so it wasn't some spur-of-the-moment thing.) When it comes down to it, I don't want to prepare to fail simply because I failed to prepare. I want to be ready when the time comes. (Reminds me of "I Wanna Be Ready" by B. J. Thomas; this is the song I'd fall asleep to as a kid.) I'm saving a good portion of my money for this future mission trip. I've told several people about it; they can help hold me accountable. My bare minimum for the fund is $1 out of every $10 that I make. (So, 10%, like my tithe.) And that's a good place to start.

So let me ask you this: what are you doing? Are you failing to prepare? Or are you preparing for success? Find your burden, and do something about it. Save money, volunteer, whatever. But don't just sit there.

All it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.

~ Edmund Burke

I refuse to let evil, in its many forms, triumph. I may not be big, but I'm not too small to make a difference. Neither are you.

Deliberation is the work of many men. Action, of one alone.

~ Charles De Gaulle

So how about it, folks? Let's be that one man (or woman!) who acts. Let's not be "good people" who stand in silence. Let's be ransomed sinners who walk by faith.

Churchaholics Anonymous

Last night I was texting a friend when I said, "Man. I miss church already."

She replied with, "Ha. You're a church addict!"

"Yes, I am. I'm a churchaholic. I should be in a Churchaholics Anonymous group. We would have fellowship and do worship and study the Bible."

"...But that's the same as going to church..." she noted.

"Exactly," I shot back.

I am not; I am

For years, my mom would tell me to "speak words of life". For a few years, starting when I was about 7 or 8 and ending when I was 11, I had a tendency to be negative about everything. Those years were pretty rough for me, and honestly--I'm probably the one at fault. I never said anything positive. I became closeted and angry. I didn't know at who or about what, but I lived inside a self-constructed prison of negativity and self-beration. Um, yeah, not a fabulous world to create for myself.

Starting in 2009, God began to really get a hold of my heart. He was laying the foundations for what would happen this spring (my true realization of Christianity). This was already several years after my seemingly unshakable bad attitude finally dissolved. So I don't remember exactly when it was, but my pastor gave a sermon on our identities. In a nutshell, he said that we needed to stop living inside the lies of who the world declares us as. Instead, we need to live in the truth of who God knows we are.

So instead of saying, "I'm just a girl. I'm not worth anything. I can't change anything. I'm meaningless and unimportant. I'm not special." -- I should be saying positive things about who God made me to be. He crafted me with great care, forming me with His loving hands.

But now, O Lord, You are our Father;

we are the clay, and You are the potter;

and all we are the work of Your hand.

~ Isaiah 64:8 (NKJV)

God knew what He was doing when He made me. He made me to serve and love Him. And when I do, He will do great things through me, just as He can do great things through you as well. Words are inadequate to describe His glory. As A. W. Tozer once said,

Always remember this: God is always bigger than anything God can say, because words are inadequate to express God and what God can do.

I love this quote. But anyways. My pastor gave that sermon, and it took awhile for it to really sink in. I had always thought of myself as "Anna the Useless" or "Anna the Follower", but then one day God revealed to me that I was exactly the opposite of what I had believed--I am not an unimportant pushover. I am "Anna the Useful" and "Anna the Leader". Through Christ, I have the ability to move mountains and see my world change.

So the other night, a holy discontent welled up within me. I may not be able to solve world hunger or eliminate poverty, but I sure as heck can pray my soul out. I can raise awareness for issues that burden me. I can work with the hungry and the poor in my area. But before I can do that, I must have a vision. I must know what God wants for me. And even before I can know that, I must know who God created me to be. So after the holy discontent, I wrote a brief paragraph to myself. In it I included words of life that feed God's power within me and terminate the lies that I had so willfully taken in the past. Here it is:

I am NOT "just a girl" from Anytown, USA.

I am a child of God - a daughter of the King -

with a vision and a dream. And that counts for

more than just "something"; it counts for everything.

I can - and WILL - make a difference in 

this world for the glory of God.

And there you have it. It speaks truth about my life and projects God's power into my future. Let me tell you, I am going to be keeping this near and dear to my heart. Come to think of it, I think we all should have one of these. I encourage you to write one for yourself. Find out what God has placed on your heart. I'm not saying that you have to know what your life's work will be. All I'm asking is, what is bothering you right now? Homelessness? Illness? What is it? Find it. Pray about it. Then act upon it.

What's your burden for today? What does your "power statement" say? 

What does it matter?

As summer seemed to wind down this year, my family decided to have a garage sale. We all scoured our belongings, trying to find things to get rid of. While I still have a lot that could be purged, I managed to rid myself of a good amount of clutter. My parents, too, found much to sell. Among the things that my mom wanted to get rid of was a devotional called Voices of the Faithful. I had seen that my dad was reading the sequel to it, and I was curious about it.

"Why are you getting rid of this? It looks good!" I asked. The book, some 400 pages, is comprised of a daily Bible verse, prayer, and one-page story from a missionary. As an aspiring missionary, this devotional really appealed to me. Needless to say (but I'm going to say it anyways!), I saved the book from going into the garage sale.

By the time I started reading it, August was drawing to a close. Immediately I fell in love with this devotional. I don't know how those who aren't called to foreign missions would feel about it, as it probably wouldn't be that appealing to them. But I strongly recommend Voices of the Faithful to anyone who desires to be a missionary in any way, shape, or form--especially foreign missions.

So September 11th's reading began with Romans 14:8:

If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.

While I've read a few chapters in Romans and have skimmed most of it, I don't recall ever having read this verse before the other night. As I read it, I felt such a strange peace. If you read my post from a few weeks ago, you'd have seen that I mentioned I had been fearing death in the mission field. This verse was sent to me at just the right time!

I realized that I have something that many do not -- a firm faith in God. I can't even explain the strength and peace that this gives me!

If God be for us, who can be against us?

~ Romans 8:31 (KJV)

[See also "Our God" by Chris Tomlin -- a favorite!]

I've realized (just recently) that without God, I simply have nothing left worth living for. All that I do would be in vain. I would be wandering aimlessly, searching for meaning or truth yet I would have nothing. Honestly, if Jesus weren't on my side, and if the Holy Spirit weren't my constant companion, I would have killed myself a long time ago. I was living inside of a personal hell. I had no faith in this God that I "kinda sorta" believed in.

But now that I know what it is to be loved by and important to God, I know that the only important thing is to love God. If we do, everything else, though utter chaos, falls into place. If we allow it, God will have His way. And believe me, His way is always better for us than our way.

... His dominion is an everlasting dominion, and His kingdom is from generation to generation. All the inhabitants of the Earth are reputed as nothing; He does according to His will in the army of Heaven and among the inhabitants of the Earth. No one can restrain His hand or say to Him, “What have You done?” 

~ Daniel 4:34-35 (NKJV) 

To truly be a Christian should mean to surrender whatever little control we have over our lives to God. We really do need to let Jesus take the wheel. I choose to allow Him to do so. If I live, it is His will. If I die, it is His will. What does it even matter how I feel? What does it matter what I desire? I will follow the Lord.

The beholder's eye

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.

~ Proverbs 31:10 (NASB)

The other day I had a rather humbling experience with God on the subjects of beauty and vanity.

I was just running errands, nothing too important, when I saw a girl my age who had rather unfortunate looks. This was a field that I had lived in; I was just beginning to get over the feeling that I was somehow unforgivably hideous. Ever since elementary school, I've battled with feeling ugly or fat or simply not good enough. I never got to the point of anorexia or bulimia, but I lived underneath a big black cloud of shame. If you've been through this (and I'm sure most of us have!), you'll know that no matter how many people tell you that you're beautiful, you never believe it. When you look in the mirror, you still only see the body that you've created in your head. No amount of weight loss can change that. Neither can a new tan, copious additions to your wardrobe, or a new haircut. The only thing that can change how you perceive yourself--and beauty in general, for that matter--is by allowing yourself to be influenced by the Father Who loves you and knows that you're beautiful just the way that He created you.

So anyways. There I was, and I saw this girl. I don't really know why I prayed what I did, but I asked God to make her beautiful. She just simply didn't really have any attractive qualities. Feeling sorry for her, and also somewhat empathetic, I prayed that she would become wonderfully beautiful. Right as I was wrapping up this stupid prayer, God gently said, "But Anna, she already is."

Just a few simple words. "She already is." All that can be said for this is selah.

So while I have no idea what guys find to be truly beautiful, us girls tend to believe that beauty is found in being a size 0 with expensive clothing, perfect skin, and impeccable makeup and hair. But what about all the other girls? Are they--am I--not beautiful also? Was the girl that I prayed for--this "unattractive" girl--not beautiful?

It was then that I realized what I had already known for some time: beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Our Creator sees us all as "fearfully and wonderfully made" regardless of what the world thinks. Through God's eye, His glorious, perfect eye, we are all exceedingly beautiful. After all, He purposefully made us the way we are. Yet somehow, through the world's eye--this damaged eye, always requiring glasses to see--beauty is something that only the elite are allowed to possess.

God has taught me about beauty quite well. I now no longer strive to merely look beautiful. My strife is now only in truly being beautiful in my spirit and soul.

For bodily exercise profits a little, but godliness is profitable for all things, having promise of the life that now is and of that which is to come.

~ 1 Timothy 4:8 (NKJV)

Update

Well, yesterday was a busy one, but a great one.

I don't know if I've blogged about my Sunday routine before, but my Sundays are always brimming with busyness. I wake up early, head to church early, and am there until about 2:30 in the afternoon. For two hours, I work with toddlers. If you're a parent, or if you've ever worked in any sort of nursery or daycare, you'll know that holding little kids for that amount of time can be quite tiring. I actually decided that I don't need to even exercise on Sundays; I get a work out from serving! Then, after serving, I attend the sermon and worship.

In reality, I don't even have to go to church at all. And most people, when they go, they're only there for one service. At my church, and many others, this means about one hour. But no; I'm a churchaholic! I love serving there, and worshipping and learning and having fellowship. I've finally discovered what one's church should be for them.

Anyways, I got home around 2:30, and then had a handful of friends over to my house for Bible study and dinner. By the time everyone had left, it was 11pm. I then proceeded to fall asleep, unable to eat anything because I had been so spiritually satisfied. Have you ever had that happen to you?

So here I am now, still basking in His presence as I enjoy my Labor Day. Alright, so this isn't my typical post. But you're probably enjoying the reprieve, aren't you? ;P Today I'm going to install my new ceiling fan and assemble my new desk, and then hopefully relax and play some violin.

Edit: I wrote in this entry that I made an account on Tumblr, but I ended up deleting it not too much later.

Some thoughtful advice from A. W. Tozer

Set aside time and search the Scriptures. And if the Scriptures do not convince you that the Church and the individuals in the Church ought to be living a happy, Spirit-filled life, then do not listen to me. Because if I preach five hours straight and I do not preach according to the truth found in the Bible, I am wrong no matter how eloquent I try to be. Pray, yield, believe, obey, and see what God will do for you. …

~ A. W Tozer